Topic of the Day: Life
This is a deeply scientific and mathematical look at life and living
Life, it is one of the only four letter words you are allowed to say in church. This can be proven by the simple following experiment: Find a church, and start yelling four letter words. When the congregation start beating you with Bibles, it it time to put those four letter words on the “Bad List”. When they only beat you with the hymnals that means the songs can go on the “Good List”. We can then divide the number of “Good List” words over the total number of words to get the ratio of four letter words you can say in church. Using all these numbers, ratios, lists and hymnals you are definitely doing some heavy duty math, and quite possible some history as well, but that is for another Topic of the Day. This is good because math, history, religion and science are all very important to your math, history, religion and science teachers. Logic is also very important. I will demonstrate the importance of logic in the following absolutely true thought process of mine:
- Well I am driving.
- I am on the ground.
- Still driving
- Driving
- Wait, What!? What’s this!?
- I’m not on the ground anymore!
- I am on some sort of man-made structure composed of concrete, steel, and other various metal alloys that is elevated above ground level supported by pillars and is durable enough to support the combined weight of many cars that are traveling over it!
- Oh, it’s just an overpass.
- Okay.
As you can see I used, deduction, induction, ad hominem, post hoc ergo proctor hoc, cogito ergo sum, and fallacy, which are all very common forms of words coming from my english book. You might be saying, “Jack, I know you know what all these words mean, but can you explain them to me?” The correct answer here would be: “No, because I can do whatever I want, and also because I really do not know what they mean.”
All of this brings us back to our topic of the day, which is life. (Really, Go look!) You may be asking, “Jack, how is it possible for me to be asking questions when this article is already published before I can read it?” My answer would be, “LIFE”.
Now please, let me get some sleep.
ur website is way too smart for me jack but i love you anyways..i think u should make a footnote so i understand it
ummmm?
Umm, no.
Try writing about something funny. Also try doing it when you are awake. The most obvious topics that comes to mind here is Elton John.
Sorry Johnny. I will write about Elton next.
hey jack.
glad to see the website back up and running, i haven’t been on it for a while. I hope dwight dies and if i ever meet him i will engage him in combat.
Anyways I finished reading the book you let me borrow and let me say, “I finished a book not called jane Eyre.” Really though, it was the most beautiful piece of literature I have ever read. For those of you who are clueless and aren’t even reading this post because you don’t care what i have to say, the book I am referring to is John Stossel’s “Give me a Break”. While this is totally off topic and this forum is completely unrelated to the topic at hand, i am too stupid to write about it on my own website which i do not have because i am too stupid to have a website. Anyways, the book can be summed up by the following numbered points.
1. The government screws you out of much of your income when it is really not doing very much.
b. the government spends 10000 monetary units on programs for poor people, but if they would just give the $10000 dollars to poor people, they wouldn’t freakin be poor.
c. this book is the mysterious 4th gospel.
4. censorship is stupid.
5. the legal system is stupid, because i can sue you for saying that I am stupid for thinking the legal system is stupid.
e. private companies would do a better job than the government at EVERYTHING. (sidenote: the airport security industry needs to be privatized, because the government is willing to give so many people jobs that all anybody does is just get random white people and frisk them. White people like ME!(this morning in Tampa))
7. America is better than China and everywhere else except Hong Kong and Luxemborg, because they don’t have democrats trying to protect us from global warming (which has occurred intermittenly for 4000000000 yrs.). Why are Hong Kong and Luxemborg so good? NO GOV’T REGULATION!!!!
8. Government is good for nothing and I mean absolutely nothing except maintaining civil order (i.e. Police and military) and that is how George Washington, Saqmuel Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and Bill Cosby intended it!
Anyways…that’s the book in a nutshell but read it! The only thing I disagree with in the entire book is legal abortion. which should not be legal. Stossel rules, dwight sucks, amen.
lol…
I’m reading Brace New World for school… I like it so far, although I only read the first 3 chapters…
Anyways.. Jack, The i upgraded the server already.. So it’s good to go.
hola jack…i know you’re complaining about all that english stuff about rhetoric and fallacies but you’ll be amazed soon when all of a sudden everything clicks. believe me, i thought i didn’t know what anything meant but now looking back that is one of the only classes i remember a lot from. so anyway new topic…..did you enjoy youth in government?!?!? i hope you did!!!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Travis, you are alive?
long time no response. ah yes…i remember post hoc ergo procter ad hominiminem. i think it was useful knowledge. but then again i used to think knowing the lyrics to “country grammar” was useful. regardless….i despise fallacies and loath hasty gens. sucked, because those little gems are wourms’ middle name.names. here’s a good’un.
english is crap
crap leaves an odious stench
therefore, english should be shot
Jack,
How could you not understand english. its easy. all you have to do is go into the class and accept the fact that we are going to do nothing in that class except bash Bush and listen to her make fun of us. you just need to understand that she was been there all her life and has completely forgotten how to teach a curriculum. remember she taught when it was ok to abuse students to make them feel inferior to everyone in the world. she is just an insecure book lover who hates anyone who doesn’t see eye to eye with her, which is the whole entire population of the world. which is poor and dying.
ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHH