In english we have to write an essay, so I decided to use this medium to practice in! Here is the first draft of my essay:
When I was told to write this essay I was depressed. But then I go to thinking, “I am depressed. I am a man. Therefore, I am hungry.” Using this simple syllogism I was able to deduct that I must be hungry. Then using some induction I went to the pantry and found a huge fallacy. There were no more cheez-its! This caused some post hoc ergo proctor hoc and some ad hominem. At one point I was so mad I non sequitured all over the wall. It was at this point I realized things were getting out of hand. So I started to ruminate, exacerbate, and contemplate when I realized that they key to a good essay was an expansive vocabulary. But seeing that in this current state of my existence I was not in the possession of one to write home about I decided just to end this sentence with an exclamation point!
This is of course is just a first draft. I need to expand it to 10 pages. I plan on doing this by adding large margins and raising my font point. Hopefully she can’t tell the difference between 12 point font and 98 point font. I also plan on adding images to make it longer. Another way to lengthen essays is to add quotes. Quotes are great because even if you make them up they are still quotes. I plan on quoting everyone I know and quite possibly I will even quote some insects that a wide range of vocal noise. (A great example of post hoc ergo proctor hoc is the West African Humming Beetle, and I quote: “Humminy hummmmm hummminnyyy hummm SCREEEAAACCCHHHHH hum”) After putting in meaningless quotes and many graphics I think I will have enough for 10 pages.
I think the best way to end this post is by a quote from the Giant Peruvian Flea: “MOOOOOOOOOO”
you are killing me here.
I was trying to plug and chug my paper when you dangled the carrot in front of me to read your site. I have heretofore wasted valuable time and I will have to go with the jack minardi method on this one.
Jack, try and guess what class I’m in while I’m writing this. I would also like to use fancy terms like you, but I don’t know how to spell them, and Matt Madden won’t let me borrow his writing book. Currently, Walters is looking at this and, I’m getting ready to punch him in the face.
I don’t believe that animal sounds will work though, simply because you are not Ben Heider. If you are Ben Heider you could only write two sentences, out of the necessary ten pages and be praised for keeping it short and sweet.
Seems, the book, wasn’t Madden’s, so I stole it. Anyways, here is an example of what will be on my ten page essay
Syllogism
All pot-heads are men.
My History Teacher is a man.
And therefor, I will not finish this out of fear that Ben will tell his dad.
genari, your grammar sucks.
your killing me smalls
Well, Jon, that may be the reason i’m in the dumb english class.
You suck, Jack.
Reveal yourself Jesus!!
I am the son of God, bitch. What else is there to reveal?
who are you jesus?
Jon, why do you deny me. I have said before and I will say again, I am the son of God, cracker.
Ok… Jesus, so you are someone who knows me… Anyways, thank You that i am done with that essay.
Anyone interested John Stossel has a new book out. I will read it during Christian Servive workcamp (if i disappear for the first week of summer i am not dead, i am helping poor people while getting out of religion class next year). When I find out the name I will leave a post.
Seriously it’s really getting to me Jesus, are you Dwight?
i think he is…
Jon, your a genius. So, why can’t you figure out that I am the risen son of the Lord, you honkey of a wigger?
Jack do u know who jesus is?!?
you need to have allen ban his IP address.
this is getting rediculous
we cannot have heathen hypocrits defaming the site.
You can’t ban the Lord, or you’ll go to hell.
You’re going to hell anyways.
Jack, I’m going to punch you square in the balls.
that sounds like something travis would say…but travis wouldn’t admit that i’m a genius
jesus is posting during school, so was anyone in the computer lab 3rd period on may 16. Don’t ban his ip i wanna find out who he is.
i know its genari. i cant ban the ip because that would ban the school’s ip.
Damn you and such.
you know its true genari
OK, I would like to apologize for impersonating the Lord Jesus Christ. I would also like apologize for calling Jon a cracker and a honkey, but I will not apologize for calling him a wigger.
you better apologize for everything….
Is Jon that pissed?
apology accepted
that was eating my brain for a few days
Genari I think your are going to hell for
1)impersonating Jesus
2)using profanity and the name JESUS in the same sentence
this upcoming one is the most important of them all
3)quiting football to run cross country in those fairy shorts
Is this Keller?
This is not jesus you sorry excuse for a cross country runner……do not wonder if this is keller…..instead wonder why you quited football to jog around all day amongst other men who are wearing shorts as short as yours. I wonder, was it for the men or was it for the short shorts, or do you just like running yourself to the point where you can’t even control if shit is coming out of your ass.
This has to be Keller, because Jon couln’t give a crap less if I played football or cross-country.
think what you like….but your right you were never very good anyway…. you should just stick to running next to sweating men with short shorts.
Well, I don’t really care who is not Jesus, and i really don’t care about his opinion on me running cross-country.
i wasnt mad. i thought it was funny but i still wanted to know who u were
Jon, you’re smart enough, you don’t have to know everything.
Travis, I hate you.
Parents and teachers
read
what
you
write,
so think of your MOM reading
whatever you wrtie
Also, people who may employ you in the future, could read what you write
Also, God knows and sees all and He is reading what you write
Also, crazy people could be reading what you write and stalking you RIGHT NOW
So be careful of what you post, you never know who is watching and reading
… uh, Jack after I did all that Jesus stuff, I think it would be a good idea to block out any post in which the person does not use thier real name, because the person above kinda freaked me out.
how am i supposed to know if people are using their real name?
well I’m pretty sure no one is named Jesus, not Jesus, or a parent.
but how is a computer able to notice that?
everybody go to my website too jonmcardle.jackminardi.com (no www)
Well, you could do it manually, after someone posts.
but that would be annoying, and limiting free speech.
hello “a parent” i hope you have a very nice day.
Eh, Jack, this is your website, you get to control freedom of speech here.
and my control is no control
Holy Carp! What insanity and such! I have many points so I must make a list.
1. Jesus was not a wigger….I’m pretty sure he was Israelish. Hebrewish. What have you.
2. Jack, I’m pretty sure we both know who the “parent” was. Though very discreet the post was, if we put two and two together…we might piece this jumbled puzzle, this confused conundrum.
3. Fairy shorts? How bout you football lovin punk come over here and I’ll show you fairy shorts. And I’ll show you a swift kick to the clavical.
4. Keller…you’re dead.
5. But first, we’ll race. And you’ll lose.
6. This was by far your best post. Esp. the non-sequitared part. However its spelled.
7. I can picture Ms. K whispering “focus” like a twittering blade of grass, a quiet summer breeze, a softy babbling brook running through the secrets of creation…
8. make me a steak or something
9. i meant to say carp. not crap. carp.
I called Jon a wigger, not Jesus.
will you people use your real names!!!
Genari, you’re a hater
basically the comments are done on this post. continue discussion on current post
no there not done there is one more
yup
Dang
I agree with Jack. Go on to new post for comments. THe last comment i read was somewhere around 25. I hope you all don’t read this becasue you are already commenting on the new post.