According to my latest research the bird flu is bad. I know its bad because CNN, FOX, ABC, CBS, ESPN, CN, SPIKE, OLN, TRL, BRB, LOL, JK, LMAO, and others are all writing about this pandemic. These fine sources never report about a good pandemic like “Happiness Beetles Are Saving Chinese Babies” or “Hippies Kinda Don’t Like War”. Instead the titles are “Man Accidently Kills 50 Billion Innocent Babies” and “Poison Gas Leak Causes All Of Canada to Speak French”. Seeing as Bird Flu probably didn’t break the bond between tragedy and titles it must be a terrible thing.
I decided to probe deeper. I found an article and will pull out what I think are the most important quotes.
Bird flu vaccine may be scarce in pandemic
“we’re not going to have a vaccine…because… I… like… it… when… babies… die… and… frail elderly who may be at highest risk of death… because… it will be up to the states to decide who is first in line… in a handful of cases… the government… will take six months… to decide who is first in line… for… the… hot zone.”
That is definitely not taken out of context.
As you can see from the above completely not made up quote the government will take 6 whole months to decide who is first in line for the hot zone! This is absolutely not acceptable. We need to figure out what the hot zone is. According to my sources the Hot Zone is an episode of the science fiction television series Stargate Atlantis. Now why would the feds take 6 months to decide who is first in line for a Stargate episode? Because watching this episode cures the bird flu. Thats right, you heard it here first. Why they don’t just tell us this is the real question. I suggest we all take up our favorite writing utensils and send out irate letters to our congressmen. Here is mine:
Dear Congressman:
Why have you failed the American People? I didn’t not vote for no reason. Actually, I am not even sure if you can vote for congressmen, but if you can, I definitely won’t be voting for you. All we wanted to know was that the bird flu could be healed by a simple Hot Zone. And com’n! 6 months! Thats even slow for you. That’s longer that the gestation period for most mammals. That’s longer than most politicians were able to stay in college. That’s even longer than the waiting time in most DMV lines. I suggest you just air the Hot Zone episode and let all Americans just get on with their lives.
Sincerely,
A Minority*
Because you are all such faithful readers I will give you a link to the overview of the episode. It can be found here. Reading the episode overview will not protect you from catching the flu but it should protect you from dying of it. Make sure to watch the original episode for full protection.
*Politicions are known to respond to minorities more often
Note: All posts were found. Read following post
…quality
Im glad u found all your old posts..of course you shouldnt have lost them…and abouth the bird flu post…mmmm k it kinda went over my head but i liked all the quotes
Jack, I think you should post that hot zone intro asap
i should post it on this site?
what is the hot zone intro? if it will help me 2 better understnad then for the love post it
no, it wont help you understand better. it will help you love a better life if some of its awesomeness rubs off on you.
i think u should post it on here at least until the podcast is on itunes
i bet this is the first post from a terminal. podcasts of jack could be a good business idea. hey look an unattended bag. see y a’ll in a week. i’ll keep the terrorists at bay and save america as we know it. lol
well then i guess post b/c i want to feel its “awesomeness” (which isnt a word, i dont thinks, and u better watch out, ben will get on you about your spelling..)
Chea Joe that’s funny. Have fun in Florida. Even though you probably won’t read this until you get back. The Hot Zone is coming. I am pretty sure that you are going to have to host the podcast here anyways because when you attempt to submit a podcast you need to give it the url to the RSS feed. Also put up the quality time elapse.
that is a quality time elapse, quality intro…not so quality show
i agree. i think we should film again
Yes, I agree. I think we should go to one host mode, or 2. Or just have me not sitting there. I think my skills could be better used as a guest or out in the field.
I love posting twice in one minute. This is a podcast update.
You need to consider acquiring one or more of the following programs in order to publish the cast: Feeder, Cast Easy, FeedForAll, Free Podcast Maker, Podcaster, Podifier, ProfCast, and/or RapidWeaver. You need to look into these and talk to your people and I will talk to my people to see which one is the best. Here’s the link where I researched these. http://www.podcastingnews.com/topics/Podcasting_Software.html
I think we need to totally refilm the show part cuz frankly its not up to par w/ the intro and time elapse
wo….. slow ur roles
…long time no comments…
i know i know. people are abandoning me.
i feel ya, brotha
Your rite Jack….we’re all leaving you
you are. please dont go
You forgot about HBO, USSR, TNT, WTF, OMG, and LMAO’s sister network LMFAO.
o, thanks genari
Jack, it is not that simple because watching that episode of Stargate Atlantis may cure avian bird flu, but is also causes cancer, and the reason the government will take six months to figure out who is to watch the episode first is because they have to find out who is immune to cancer! And as you know there is no useable cure for cancer! Although, Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer, but he never cries!
nice new look…i approve
thanks, i tried to go images-less
I’m glad to know that you actually changed the colors; I thought my computer was messed up…hehe..but i ike the colors better than the icky brown thing..and you owe me ice cream…
ok, deal
Jack, did u really say your website is better? Because if you did, I don’t care, because it is, but I want to have openness in this superior-inferior relationship.
Eh, Jack, why come in the random chuck norris fact box there is a Ԩ instead of actuall letters?
there is a what?
Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because Ԩuntingՠimplies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
I happened to see that.
why is that box there?
i have no idea. its not there on my computer
Wierd, it is there on mine.
no it isnt.
Hey Genari. Long time no see. You should run some cross country. The box problem is prolly because of your browser. Use firefox. Speaking of firefox Jack, I was going to download it from extendmac.com but it wasn’t there. Where the heck is it.
Firefox is definitely better than Internet Explorer, glad I got it.
Got it. Everybody else should download firefox. Do it from here. http://www.extendmac.com/ad.html It’s great and free, plus the site gets a dollar.
Time to renew efforts at podcast.
most definitely
lets do it soon.
im outta town all weeekend but maybe tonite i can do stuff after football.
ok, sweet
way to follow through on that
is that to me? sorry ben I got back later than expected.
no, it was general comment. we are incompetant.
Anybody want to play some ultimate tomorrow…or today
I wanna play some ultimate. lets go tmr
jack! write a new thingy im bored
ill do one tonight, i promise
Promise?
promise!
can it be about me!?
Sorry Brittany taht can’t happen. There are rules he has to consider here. He can’t just throw out the blogman’s code of ethics.
OK jack so I know if I leave this comment, it actually puts you over the top, but as of 1 minute before this was written, you and I had the exact same number of comments. I don’t know about you, but I am really happy (just thinking you might be mad because I haven’t done this as long as you, so you might be mad).
Anyways let’s do something tomorrow, holla at cha boi.
ya…you definitely didn’t do a new one…
You lied!
Jack..you better pleze these people with a new post or who knows what they will do. And Ben…I know you made fun of my spelling and grammar but I couldnt help but notice that you spelled that “taht”… and as I was once told, “This website is quality, treat it with respect”…:)
**please**(from above post)…I know you thought you had me there Mr. Ben.
use you real name imposter
are you talking to me…?
moniquita is her real spanish name
and jon, im not mad, im proud.
ouchies
genari, i would like you to know, i am working on the new post as we speak.
good
Genari! This is my only method of communicating with you. You should do cross country. Come on man. Don’t worry about your knees. You will have plenty of time for whatever knee disease you have when you are old.
And by the way…I got the bill for my missing French book today. Looks like I’m gonna have to use that Fifty dollars after all.
Come on, Genari, first you quit football, now you’re quitting cross country? Pathetic…