I also switched my About page to a Contact page and added the relevant information.

So next time you are thinking: “Hey, I really want an awesome looking website for cheap, and I want it done by a guy who loves what he does”. You will know where to go. (Hint: Here)

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Wow, it really feels great to finally be able to get all of that out of my system. They have all been swimming around in my head like dolphins. Leaping and playing with the other ideas until they are caught in a tuna net and murdered by rusty knives. Yep, just like dolphins.

I guess that is all I have to say today, hopefully I will be able to write more some time in the future. And by future I mean tomorrow, and by some time I mean the next day, and by guess I mean a message expressing an opinion based on incomplete evidence. So there you have it, my first post on my blog’s second virginity.

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Here they are

True Nature

I stop and think a haunting thing
The true nature of our being
Wise men before, wise men to come
Never to know what I have done

In the dark I find myself
A lost an lonely little elf
I try to leave it all alone
I try to leave for what is known

But my conscience never will rest
Until I’ve straightened out this mess
I must finally come to bare
The problem heavy in the air

The answer passes through my mind
Quickly it’s gone before I find
The manner to explain in time
And grasp its meaning in a line

Stolen Grace

I could barely see the road
My tears were fast streaming
It is a dark night
My hood is still steaming

Twasn’t five minutes ago
When death stared me in the face
Her crimson tears gliding slowly
Me holding her stolen grace

You see it was very late
I could’ve slept anywhere
Me heavy eyelids drooped
The red light seemed useless there

Deafening damage; mangled metal
Both flung from our cars
Me: Merely scrapes and bruises
She: Never-to-be scars

She wasn’t five feet from me
Yet It seemed like a great gap
I crawled over crying
And laid her head in my lap

There is a mournful beauty
To stare death in the face
He crimson tears glided slowly
Me holding her stolen grace

I sprinted quickly
To my mangled mess
Sunk in the drivers seat
My own black abyss

Now you find me here
Speeding on this abandoned road
Only God could help me
Bare this heavy load

So now I must meet him
On this fateful night
The lonely tree still standing
Will help me make this right

I steer my car quite quickly
My beams single it out
My car shrieks and rattles
I don’t let out a shout

This time God is kinder
I don’t feel a thing
Darkness all around me
But I can’t hear the angels sing

The Hammer’s Hum

Sprinting quickly through crystal beams
God’s fingertips they say
We’d restlessly scout out the spot
For the pleasures of that day

Eagerly we’d pick the tree
And scamper up its side
Ascending to the treetop
Observing far and wide

The chosen tree would be prepared
Rough rope swung ‘round its arm
Then one by one we’d shimmy up
Careful not to harm

The first nail would enter
With hundreds more to come
More for enjoyment than for structure
We were transfixed by the hammer’s hum

We’d work all day, we’d work all night
Soon the castle was complete
Then one by one we’d shimmy down
To dream of Kings in our sleep

But I Want More

As the hands rotate past the face
I read into the ancient lore
It takes me back to that sacred place
Oh, but I want more

As the wheel turns film progresses
The image enters every pore
All its secrets the screen confesses
Ah, but I want more

As the record spins the sounds they flow
Beautiful stories escape the score
Singing pristine highs and melodic lows
Yes, but I want more

I opened the door exited slowly
Sucked all the life into my core
I understood, small and lowly
Now, I’ve got more

Zorba’s Dance

One by one, they march along
Tap tap tap
They flow on though

Running prancing
Singing dancing
Feeling joy
All through their core

Quickly now they move their feet
Up and down
To the beat

The sun escapes
Its blue sky prison
Now the moon laughs
As it takes his place

Hymn to the Sea

Deep down deep
The light is filtered
Deep down deep
The darkness triumphs

Quickly the heat it cleanses
As we shed our mortal coil
Quietly now we leave our senses
Death it seems will calm our toil

Our souls now rise
One in the same
Heavenly voices
Singing our name

Ascending quickly
As light pours through
The final realization
The life anew

Untitled

Will you give me some
Cause I need to run
My time has come

Wake up now
You’ve got some more time
This wont hurt a bit

I’ve opened it
Now I need to get
Over it

Chaos comes
Flowing into you
Open up your eyes

Untitled

Existence is blurred
On this tiny thread
Nothing is heard
Its all in your head

The wind blows through the gate
As his feet run about
His head keeps his state
But his body does doubt

Your minds eye can’t blink
You can’t hide forever
You simply must think
And you’ll discover another

It’s time to realize
We’ve got to separate
Throw off your old disguise
See through your blinding hate

Ladies and Gentlemen

(stolen?)

Ladies and Gentlemen please
Put your minds at ease
This thought will tickle and tease
Grab hold of your brain and seize
Jaws on the floor
You’ll be begging for more
Better than before
Just let it pour
You need to see with your eyes
Noone’s in disguise
That’s just self-implied
You have to simplify

Riddle

A four-legged beast
Head of the feast
Served royalty
Earned loyalty
Killed some men
Aided others, then
Killed again
Need to rock?
He won’t block
He’ll simply knock
Feeling down?
Don’t frown
Just sit down
He’ll comfort you
Form a lump with you
You’ll enjoy it too!
He could squeak
Or help you sleep
Nice and sleek
Or tired and weak
Don’t you think
You’ll enjoy
This old boy
Make some noise?

WHAT IS HE???? WTF???

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I foresee a few problems that must be worked out though. Number one is that I have no idea how to run a server, and have no idea how I even got this far. Stemming directly from number one is that I have no idea how to secure a server, making it very easy for me to be infiltrated. Let me draw a mental picture here. Imagine my website is like a mini sand castle. Now imagine that evil hackers are like little babies on the beach. Normally these little babies would be repelled by my awesome moat full of crabs and seaweed, and also by me with a shotgun, but today the moat is full of candy, my shotgun is really a rainbow flag and the little babies have atleast 90 inch diameter biceps. And also imagine I left the drawbridge down and the door wide open. On top of that imagine that I broadcast my security holes on my website. Now you get the picture.

So please, if you know any hackers in person, take out your cellphone when you are near them and have an imaginary conversation with someone where you bring up the fact that my site is very secure so no one should bother trying to hack it. If you notice them taking it as a challenge, just say “What’s that? It was just hacked? Oh, I guess no one should waste their time on it anymore.” That should do the trick.

Once we have all the hackers out, we can focus on content, which as everyone knows, is king. Now please let me sleep, because it is 3 in the morning.

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Have you ever wondered where this popular cliche came from? Worry not my dear friend, for I am here to tell you.

It all started one fine evening in 1867. A young man known only as morpod (They hadn’t invented capital “M”’s yet) was walking through the lush gardens of the tropic aisles. He soon passed through and entered the cereal aisle. It was in this aisle that he saw It. It was round, but with a slightly squarish physique, small, but with a slightly large appearance, green, but with a slightly orange tinge, but basically completely soft. morpod was instantly attracted and wanted more of what he saw.

He picked It up, It weighed only but a pound, but felt like one hundred. He turned It over and saw the price tag. 5 cents! What an outrage (You have to remember this was before inflation, so the nickels were so small no one could ever find them.). He searched and he searched, but to no avail. So he decided to invent the Polaroid Camera so he could get an instant picture. (Little Known Tidbit: Polaroid Inc. used to be known as morpod industries until Apple sued them for using the term “pod”) After taking a picture of this strange object he decided to take it to his local newspaper and sell it to them. Because the newspaper was in a different time zone they could not trade cash money, so instead they traded words (Don’ ask me how).

As it turns out the picture was worth exactly 1,000 words, but contrary to popular belief this is not where the saying came from. At exactly the same moment, but in not exactly the same place, an baseball team owner decided to buy a cow farm and start producing curds as a past time. He actually rallied to get Curds as the national drink at all baseball games, but as we all know, tobacco-laden spit won out. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, an evil man kidnapped the team’s starting pitcher and demanded ransom from the team owner. All the owner had to offer at the time were curds and the kidnapper accepted 1,000 of them.

Tis prompted all the local papers to write that “A Pitcher is Worth a Thousand Curds”. This saying eventually was misquoted and misunderstood to mean a picture is worth a thousand words, and that is where we are today.

Now if you do not believe any of his you can submit $100 to the proof fund, and I will prove it. Feel free to impress all your friends with your abundant knowledge, courtesy of Jack Minardi.

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Chris was on the corner waving the bell like he did every night. He thought back to his childhood and why he wanted to give all he could to help children. He was an orphan as well (flashback: everyone around him gets a gift and he receives nothing. Dismayed, he walks away, but before he leaves he yells, “hey, are you going to eat that dead rat?” he gets denied and shuffles off) From that moment on he knew that he had to make something of himself and give back to children just like himself. He jingled his bell all the harder for those children (starts ringing harder) he knows if he doesn’t ring hard enough, someone will be denied a dead rat.

Turner decided to walk down to his local coffebucks and grab a drink. He walked by the crazy red-hatted man and into the coffeshop. (slow motion as they meet eyes and turn heads as he walks by) He sat down by a virulent young man who looked like he had one to many smokeccinos. He said hi (“Hi”) and the man returned the greeting. (“Thanks for the greeting”) They discussed politics,(“Bush”, “Obama”) iguana habitats,(“Leafy”,”Damp”) local colleges,(“Local”, “colleges”) global warming,(“bull”, “crap”) new technology,(“ipod”, “computer”) old technology,(“wheel”, “abicus”) medium technology,(“whats that?”, “I don’t know”) and ofcourse, their mutual hatred for Christmas. (“I hate it”, “me too”) Turner invited his new friend back to his place to play another round of world of warcraft. (“wanna join me on a mythical quest to save the world?”). He accepted (“sure”) On their way by the red-hatted man they sneered at him. (slow motion as they both sneer at santa). Oh yeah, his new friends name was Frank.

After Chris received those awful sneers he decided something must be done to help the lost souls. After all, he had been through a lot and still came out positive, how hard would it be to convince these men of the same? He decided to follow them home and show them what Christmas was all about. He had always wanted to secretly follow someone home (flashback: Chris hiding behind ridiculously impossible places and giggling) He jingled after them.

Turner thought he was being followed so he decided to try to lose the chap. But he wanted to do it as nonchalantly possible so he started leaving obstacles behind him. When that didn’t work he started to pick up the pace. He took dark alleys, but he still felt he was being tracked. So he just gave up and walked home like he typically did.

When he got to the front door of his apartment Chris jumped out and confronted him. Now Turner always had a problem with being startled so he let out a high pitch squeal. This embarrassed him so he corrected with his most manly voice and statement (Chris says “Your shoes are JUST darling!”) He wasn’t very good in the clutch. Anyways Chris explained why he had followed them home. (“you looked like you needed a little cheering up”) He then told them where he came from (“An orphanage”) and what it was called (“Sacred heart orphanage”) Turner got excited and said that was where he was from (“That is were I’m from!”) He then said it was the worst experience in his life and stated what he once received for Christmas (“A dead rat”). Chris said he never got anything for any Christmas and that was why he devoted his adult life to preventing that very thing from happening in as many children’s lives as possible (“Its true”) He than told Turner that he should do the same (“You should”) Turner gladly agreed (sigh “fine”). Chris than directed his speech toward Frank (he faces frank, who is very close “You wanna help?”) Frank politely declined (“Forget that dawg”) and let them know he had some prior engagements (“I gots to go to a party!”) He excused himself and walked away (looks nervously around and slowly steps backward. Then turns around and runs, tripping on his own feet)

Turner was happy that he had that burden lifted off his chest and Chris was happy he convinced another man to help him in his charitable works. They both walked away with their arms around each other. But they didn’t know each other well enough yet so they decided to take it back a notch. (They glance at each other and remove their arms from the others shoulder)

And that is the story of how Chris and Turner first met and saved Christmas for everyone. Thanks for watching.

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