Here is the true story of my life, as told to my youngest daughter after she asked about her mother.
Well you asked. Grab a seat, this will be a while.
To start it off, no I am not your mother, even though technically I birthed you. Explanation? Read on.
Back in ‘79 I met this beautiful woman is New York. Sparks flew and we were set to get married in the fall of ‘80. Immediately following the wedlock ceremonies my new bride and I made for the Bahamas to enjoy our honey moon, but alas, that was not to be. Fate decided to separate us in the form of a freak carpet accident. I will not delve into the gory details, but suffice it to say I will not be purchasing Greek Synthetic Carpet from Dalton Georgia Carpet Outlet any time soon.
Anyways, while at the funeral I noticed a woman whom I have never seen before. I talked to her and found out she had been sent by the government to make sure my late bride (Elisha was her name, sorry I didn’t mention it until now) was really dead. Elisha, apparently had been an alien. As I look back on our relationship I see the obvious signs of her alien-ness. Her green body. Her tentacles. Her tendency to eat small children. But the past is the past and I am glad I wasn’t married to that alien for too long. The government agent assured me Elisha (If that is her(if it is a her(if i can add one more parenthetical statement)) name) was dead.
I started seeing the agent, an things began to get serious. We were going to get married in ‘83. The wedding went on with out a hitch, or with one, if you know what I mean. I soon learned that my new wife was not able to carry children so I surgically implanted ovaries, and all the other necessities in my own body. Needless to say the surgery took a long time and by the time it was done, 1986 had rolled by. I was then impregnated and birthed your sister on February 4, 1987 and you soon after on September 19, 1987.
We are now a very loving family.