First of all, I would like to apologize for the lack of a post, I have been really busy with sleeping and eating lately. Secondly, I would like to congratulate Jon for receiving more comments in less time than I did on his last post. He must have found the hot button with religion. Thats why I am going to say this: RELIGION! If that doesn’t get me more comments I might actually have to resort to researching my posts and using intelligence in them, and I am sure my readers do not want to see me try to use intelligence. So readers, if you respect me at all, you wont force me to use intelligence and the “R” word, you will simply comment a lot on this post. Now, on to the content.
Gas. Prices. When these two simple words come together in a sentence, you get yelled at for using only nouns and no verbs. You also get angry at how they fluctuate, how they are ridiculously over priced and how people think that once gas is over $3 a gallon, the world is over.
Using only nouns in a sentence makes sense to me. For the rest of this paragraph I will use only nouns, and you will understand me. Nouns. My name Jack food pizza pop. Generations me treat, I you. It. That. Me time you spot. It sentence nouns length post. Paragraph I.
Gas prices fluctuate for three reasons. The first is competition between gas stations. One is always trying to be cheaper than the next. The second reason is that as more gas is used the supply goes down, and thus demand increases. The third is that our friend George Bush sends out his gas fairies every night to change prices and bring him all of the extra profit. Do you know what I say to that? BAD Georgie! Do NOT harvest fairy babies for use in your magical mischief! Because as we all know, it is George’s fault gas is so high and since we can’t prove that by logic, it must be that he has Gas Fairies.
Gas prices are pretty high so I have compiled a list of body organs you can sell and their RGW (Raw Gas Worth. One (1) RGW is equal to one (1) full 10 gallon tank)
- Kidney - .5 RGW
- Liver - 1 RGW
- Blood - .2 RGW
- Bone Marrow - 2RGW
- Arm - .5 RGW
- Leg - .75 RGW
- Soul - You have already sold this so its worth nothing
If you don’t get enough for a trip to the gas station I would suggest looking into bank robbery as a possible career.
Gas is now over three dollars a gallon in most parts of the U.S. and the world is not over so I don’t think we need to worry about that one. Now I am sure the crazy liberals will start saying when gas gets over $4 a gallon the world is over. Do not believe them. The world will be over when gas gets over infinity billion dollars an ounce, and not a second sooner. Scientology told me.
So my readers, don’t fret, I am here to help you through the scary world that relies on gas. If you have any questions, go ahead and post them now while I run to the gas station to power up my brand new gas powered computer. Don’t worry, I will drive a Yaris over there.