Tag Archive for 'life'

Of Current Things and Such As

Published
by
Jack
on February 12, 2008
in Me
. 1 Comment
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Well here we go, this is me typing a post. First I have a few things I need to get off my chest: Number One, only humans can comment on posts from now on. Did you here that Ivan Kuznetsov? We all know you are really a moose. Stemming directly from number one is Number Two, I will be accepting applications for the job of Assistant to Mr.Minardi. Basically you will do all the assistantly duties such as phone messages, e-mail responses, phone responses, e-mail messages, phone e-mails, the occasional dry cleaning, and sometimes lip gloss testing. And finally Number Three, Niggardly. Seriously.

Wow, it really feels great to finally be able to get all of that out of my system. They have all been swimming around in my head like dolphins. Leaping and playing with the other ideas until they are caught in a tuna net and murdered by rusty knives. Yep, just like dolphins.

I guess that is all I have to say today, hopefully I will be able to write more some time in the future. And by future I mean tomorrow, and by some time I mean the next day, and by guess I mean a message expressing an opinion based on incomplete evidence. So there you have it, my first post on my blog’s second virginity.

Selected Poems by Jack Minardi

Published
by
Jack
on January 11, 2008
in Me
. 4 Comments
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Here is an assortment of the poems I have written over the past year. Some of them I took time and effort to revise and rework, others were literally written in five minutes. I’ll let you decide which you think go in which category.

Here they are

True Nature

I stop and think a haunting thing
The true nature of our being
Wise men before, wise men to come
Never to know what I have done

In the dark I find myself
A lost an lonely little elf
I try to leave it all alone
I try to leave for what is known

But my conscience never will rest
Until I’ve straightened out this mess
I must finally come to bare
The problem heavy in the air

The answer passes through my mind
Quickly it’s gone before I find
The manner to explain in time
And grasp its meaning in a line

Stolen Grace

I could barely see the road
My tears were fast streaming
It is a dark night
My hood is still steaming

Twasn’t five minutes ago
When death stared me in the face
Her crimson tears gliding slowly
Me holding her stolen grace

You see it was very late
I could’ve slept anywhere
Me heavy eyelids drooped
The red light seemed useless there

Deafening damage; mangled metal
Both flung from our cars
Me: Merely scrapes and bruises
She: Never-to-be scars

She wasn’t five feet from me
Yet It seemed like a great gap
I crawled over crying
And laid her head in my lap

There is a mournful beauty
To stare death in the face
He crimson tears glided slowly
Me holding her stolen grace

I sprinted quickly
To my mangled mess
Sunk in the drivers seat
My own black abyss

Now you find me here
Speeding on this abandoned road
Only God could help me
Bare this heavy load

So now I must meet him
On this fateful night
The lonely tree still standing
Will help me make this right

I steer my car quite quickly
My beams single it out
My car shrieks and rattles
I don’t let out a shout

This time God is kinder
I don’t feel a thing
Darkness all around me
But I can’t hear the angels sing

The Hammer’s Hum

Sprinting quickly through crystal beams
God’s fingertips they say
We’d restlessly scout out the spot
For the pleasures of that day

Eagerly we’d pick the tree
And scamper up its side
Ascending to the treetop
Observing far and wide

The chosen tree would be prepared
Rough rope swung ‘round its arm
Then one by one we’d shimmy up
Careful not to harm

The first nail would enter
With hundreds more to come
More for enjoyment than for structure
We were transfixed by the hammer’s hum

We’d work all day, we’d work all night
Soon the castle was complete
Then one by one we’d shimmy down
To dream of Kings in our sleep

But I Want More

As the hands rotate past the face
I read into the ancient lore
It takes me back to that sacred place
Oh, but I want more

As the wheel turns film progresses
The image enters every pore
All its secrets the screen confesses
Ah, but I want more

As the record spins the sounds they flow
Beautiful stories escape the score
Singing pristine highs and melodic lows
Yes, but I want more

I opened the door exited slowly
Sucked all the life into my core
I understood, small and lowly
Now, I’ve got more

Zorba’s Dance

One by one, they march along
Tap tap tap
They flow on though

Running prancing
Singing dancing
Feeling joy
All through their core

Quickly now they move their feet
Up and down
To the beat

The sun escapes
Its blue sky prison
Now the moon laughs
As it takes his place

Hymn to the Sea

Deep down deep
The light is filtered
Deep down deep
The darkness triumphs

Quickly the heat it cleanses
As we shed our mortal coil
Quietly now we leave our senses
Death it seems will calm our toil

Our souls now rise
One in the same
Heavenly voices
Singing our name

Ascending quickly
As light pours through
The final realization
The life anew

Untitled

Will you give me some
Cause I need to run
My time has come

Wake up now
You’ve got some more time
This wont hurt a bit

I’ve opened it
Now I need to get
Over it

Chaos comes
Flowing into you
Open up your eyes

Untitled

Existence is blurred
On this tiny thread
Nothing is heard
Its all in your head

The wind blows through the gate
As his feet run about
His head keeps his state
But his body does doubt

Your minds eye can’t blink
You can’t hide forever
You simply must think
And you’ll discover another

It’s time to realize
We’ve got to separate
Throw off your old disguise
See through your blinding hate

Ladies and Gentlemen

(stolen?)

Ladies and Gentlemen please
Put your minds at ease
This thought will tickle and tease
Grab hold of your brain and seize
Jaws on the floor
You’ll be begging for more
Better than before
Just let it pour
You need to see with your eyes
Noone’s in disguise
That’s just self-implied
You have to simplify

Riddle

A four-legged beast
Head of the feast
Served royalty
Earned loyalty
Killed some men
Aided others, then
Killed again
Need to rock?
He won’t block
He’ll simply knock
Feeling down?
Don’t frown
Just sit down
He’ll comfort you
Form a lump with you
You’ll enjoy it too!
He could squeak
Or help you sleep
Nice and sleek
Or tired and weak
Don’t you think
You’ll enjoy
This old boy
Make some noise?

WHAT IS HE???? WTF???

The Beast Has Been Slain

Published
by
Jack
on June 29, 2007
in Me
. 7 Comments
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After hours upon hours of hard work I have finally done the impossible. I am officially hosting this site of my home computer. Now those of you who think this is an easy task either use words like localhost, phpmyadmin, xampp, and lampp way too often, or are just stupid. If you fall into the first category, why didn’t you help me when I really needed it? If you fall into the second category, you will fit right in with my regular readers. JK!! (That stands for “Just Kidding”).

I foresee a few problems that must be worked out though. Number one is that I have no idea how to run a server, and have no idea how I even got this far. Stemming directly from number one is that I have no idea how to secure a server, making it very easy for me to be infiltrated. Let me draw a mental picture here. Imagine my website is like a mini sand castle. Now imagine that evil hackers are like little babies on the beach. Normally these little babies would be repelled by my awesome moat full of crabs and seaweed, and also by me with a shotgun, but today the moat is full of candy, my shotgun is really a rainbow flag and the little babies have atleast 90 inch diameter biceps. And also imagine I left the drawbridge down and the door wide open. On top of that imagine that I broadcast my security holes on my website. Now you get the picture.

So please, if you know any hackers in person, take out your cellphone when you are near them and have an imaginary conversation with someone where you bring up the fact that my site is very secure so no one should bother trying to hack it. If you notice them taking it as a challenge, just say “What’s that? It was just hacked? Oh, I guess no one should waste their time on it anymore.” That should do the trick.

Once we have all the hackers out, we can focus on content, which as everyone knows, is king. Now please let me sleep, because it is 3 in the morning.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words.

Published
by
Jack
on January 9, 2007
in Me
. 28 Comments
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A picture is worth a thousand words.

Have you ever wondered where this popular cliche came from? Worry not my dear friend, for I am here to tell you.

It all started one fine evening in 1867. A young man known only as morpod (They hadn’t invented capital “M”’s yet) was walking through the lush gardens of the tropic aisles. He soon passed through and entered the cereal aisle. It was in this aisle that he saw It. It was round, but with a slightly squarish physique, small, but with a slightly large appearance, green, but with a slightly orange tinge, but basically completely soft. morpod was instantly attracted and wanted more of what he saw.

He picked It up, It weighed only but a pound, but felt like one hundred. He turned It over and saw the price tag. 5 cents! What an outrage (You have to remember this was before inflation, so the nickels were so small no one could ever find them.). He searched and he searched, but to no avail. So he decided to invent the Polaroid Camera so he could get an instant picture. (Little Known Tidbit: Polaroid Inc. used to be known as morpod industries until Apple sued them for using the term “pod”) After taking a picture of this strange object he decided to take it to his local newspaper and sell it to them. Because the newspaper was in a different time zone they could not trade cash money, so instead they traded words (Don’ ask me how).

As it turns out the picture was worth exactly 1,000 words, but contrary to popular belief this is not where the saying came from. At exactly the same moment, but in not exactly the same place, an baseball team owner decided to buy a cow farm and start producing curds as a past time. He actually rallied to get Curds as the national drink at all baseball games, but as we all know, tobacco-laden spit won out. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, an evil man kidnapped the team’s starting pitcher and demanded ransom from the team owner. All the owner had to offer at the time were curds and the kidnapper accepted 1,000 of them.

Tis prompted all the local papers to write that “A Pitcher is Worth a Thousand Curds”. This saying eventually was misquoted and misunderstood to mean a picture is worth a thousand words, and that is where we are today.

Now if you do not believe any of his you can submit $100 to the proof fund, and I will prove it. Feel free to impress all your friends with your abundant knowledge, courtesy of Jack Minardi.

Life?

Published
by
Jack
on April 17, 2006
in Me
. 13 Comments
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Topic of the Day: Life

This is a deeply scientific and mathematical look at life and living

Life, it is one of the only four letter words you are allowed to say in church. This can be proven by the simple following experiment: Find a church, and start yelling four letter words. When the congregation start beating you with Bibles, it it time to put those four letter words on the “Bad List”. When they only beat you with the hymnals that means the songs can go on the “Good List”. We can then divide the number of “Good List” words over the total number of words to get the ratio of four letter words you can say in church. Using all these numbers, ratios, lists and hymnals you are definitely doing some heavy duty math, and quite possible some history as well, but that is for another Topic of the Day. This is good because math, history, religion and science are all very important to your math, history, religion and science teachers. Logic is also very important. I will demonstrate the importance of logic in the following absolutely true thought process of mine:

  • Well I am driving.
  • I am on the ground.
  • Still driving
  • Driving
  • Wait, What!? What’s this!?
  • I’m not on the ground anymore!
  • I am on some sort of man-made structure composed of concrete, steel, and other various metal alloys that is elevated above ground level supported by pillars and is durable enough to support the combined weight of many cars that are traveling over it!
  • Oh, it’s just an overpass.
  • Okay.

As you can see I used, deduction, induction, ad hominem, post hoc ergo proctor hoc, cogito ergo sum, and fallacy, which are all very common forms of words coming from my english book. You might be saying, “Jack, I know you know what all these words mean, but can you explain them to me?” The correct answer here would be: “No, because I can do whatever I want, and also because I really do not know what they mean.”

All of this brings us back to our topic of the day, which is life. (Really, Go look!) You may be asking, “Jack, how is it possible for me to be asking questions when this article is already published before I can read it?” My answer would be, “LIFE”.

Now please, let me get some sleep.