Tag Archive for 'M'

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Have you ever wondered where this popular cliche came from? Worry not my dear friend, for I am here to tell you.

It all started one fine evening in 1867. A young man known only as morpod (They hadn’t invented capital “M”’s yet) was walking through the lush gardens of the tropic aisles. He soon passed through and entered the cereal aisle. It was in this aisle that he saw It. It was round, but with a slightly squarish physique, small, but with a slightly large appearance, green, but with a slightly orange tinge, but basically completely soft. morpod was instantly attracted and wanted more of what he saw.

He picked It up, It weighed only but a pound, but felt like one hundred. He turned It over and saw the price tag. 5 cents! What an outrage (You have to remember this was before inflation, so the nickels were so small no one could ever find them.). He searched and he searched, but to no avail. So he decided to invent the Polaroid Camera so he could get an instant picture. (Little Known Tidbit: Polaroid Inc. used to be known as morpod industries until Apple sued them for using the term “pod”) After taking a picture of this strange object he decided to take it to his local newspaper and sell it to them. Because the newspaper was in a different time zone they could not trade cash money, so instead they traded words (Don’ ask me how).

As it turns out the picture was worth exactly 1,000 words, but contrary to popular belief this is not where the saying came from. At exactly the same moment, but in not exactly the same place, an baseball team owner decided to buy a cow farm and start producing curds as a past time. He actually rallied to get Curds as the national drink at all baseball games, but as we all know, tobacco-laden spit won out. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, an evil man kidnapped the team’s starting pitcher and demanded ransom from the team owner. All the owner had to offer at the time were curds and the kidnapper accepted 1,000 of them.

Tis prompted all the local papers to write that “A Pitcher is Worth a Thousand Curds”. This saying eventually was misquoted and misunderstood to mean a picture is worth a thousand words, and that is where we are today.

Now if you do not believe any of his you can submit $100 to the proof fund, and I will prove it. Feel free to impress all your friends with your abundant knowledge, courtesy of Jack Minardi.

Practice Essay

In english we have to write an essay, so I decided to use this medium to practice in! Here is the first draft of my essay:

When I was told to write this essay I was depressed. But then I go to thinking, “I am depressed. I am a man. Therefore, I am hungry.” Using this simple syllogism I was able to deduct that I must be hungry. Then using some induction I went to the pantry and found a huge fallacy. There were no more cheez-its! This caused some post hoc ergo proctor hoc and some ad hominem. At one point I was so mad I non sequitured all over the wall. It was at this point I realized things were getting out of hand. So I started to ruminate, exacerbate, and contemplate when I realized that they key to a good essay was an expansive vocabulary. But seeing that in this current state of my existence I was not in the possession of one to write home about I decided just to end this sentence with an exclamation point!

This is of course is just a first draft. I need to expand it to 10 pages. I plan on doing this by adding large margins and raising my font point. Hopefully she can’t tell the difference between 12 point font and 98 point font. I also plan on adding images to make it longer. Another way to lengthen essays is to add quotes. Quotes are great because even if you make them up they are still quotes. I plan on quoting everyone I know and quite possibly I will even quote some insects that a wide range of vocal noise. (A great example of post hoc ergo proctor hoc is the West African Humming Beetle, and I quote: “Humminy hummmmm hummminnyyy hummm SCREEEAAACCCHHHHH hum”) After putting in meaningless quotes and many graphics I think I will have enough for 10 pages.

I think the best way to end this post is by a quote from the Giant Peruvian Flea: “MOOOOOOOOOO”